Killing Me, Killing You
by Mystical Machine Gun
Summary: Loving your best friend secretly, drowning in despair not being able to tell him how you feel; sounds familiar? All Sasuke wanted was Naruto to see him, really see him and love him back. Why is it so hard then…why does it hurt? NaruSasu, M for SEX
1. Chapter 1

I came back with another one, I am sure you all are bored by now…Yet, I am trying my best to entertain you, sniff. Well, this time I wanted to explore our little Sasuke's mind - show how true emotions work, how illogical love and crush can be. Never thought of these yourself? So, on with the story then! 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Naruto x Sasuke / Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Loving your best friend secretly, drowning in despair not being able to tell him how you feel; sounds familiar? All Sasuke wanted was Naruto to see him, really see him and love him back. Why is it so hard then…why does it hurt? NaruSasu, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

_Killing Me, Killing You_

I hate seeing him like this; I hate how stubborn he is. His whole body gets tensed when he is angry; I hate making him feel like this. Yet, I cannot help myself…every time I kill some part of him. He must hate me…lying half-dead in my own vomit, choking. The alcohol rapes my body, makes it numb, drowns me in a sweet non-existence. I just look at him hazily while his velvety lips keep moving, but I do not hear anything.

I can only think how amazing he is taking care of me, making sure I do not die here. If I raised my hand, would he let me stroke his cheek? What would happen if I said that I loved him? I bet his blue eyes would widen making them seem more like two diamonds. He would be surprised, maybe even scared. But, he would not love me back…Naruto would not love me back.

It all started in junior high; I was the new kid and maybe considered odd because of it. He was the only one who ever talked to me - a real cliché and I fell for it. Why would I stand here if I did not? Well, things lead to other things and soon we were best friends. It never occurred to me how it happened, you know, I just found myself in him or something.

Suddenly it was not just hey and hi in the cafeteria but real conversations. Like talking about movies and how he had a weird obsession on Milla Jovovich. That part I never understood, since I always thought guys - including me - liked big boobs. He said he likes tomboyish girls, which was rather odd, but I shrugged it off - now it seems to be my only life-saver although I am not a girl.

Everyone thought he was not the brightest crayon in the box but he was actually quite clever for a blonde noisy guy. Like, one night he took me to our city tower just to watch stars; he even brought a blanket and food. We talked about life and all other shit and that was probably the moment I knew I was falling for him. His eyes twinkled alongside the stars as he ate strawberries and all I could do was watch his strawberry-stained lips form perfect words full of nonsense and it tickled in my tummy.

I wondered whether his lips would taste like strawberries, hell -any berries would be fine. I did not have the courage to ask him nor taste those plush lips myself and I still do not have. I am afraid I will destroy everything we have now; all I can do is jerk off to him at night and moan his name on my sinful lips. I touch myself all over pretending it is his hands doing the sparkling magic, but I guess I cannot ever reach the full essence of it. It is never sparkling magic, just a small lighter that does not even work properly.

They are still my hands, not his and they probably will not change into his hands even though I wish for it more than anything. After ejaculation I feel so utterly empty as if I had raped his pure image. I always feel so dirty afterwards and yet, I keep doing it. It is not just his body I crave for…I crave for his love, soul, and the thing that makes Naruto "Naruto". I want to walk hand in hand, share a milkshake and go to movies while snuggling. All those girly romantic stuff that guys resent - I want them all.

Maybe I am a hopeless, but for me, love is just that; it is somewhere between energy equals mass multiplied with speed of light raised to the square and me. I try to reach for love and it slips away just to show up from behind the next corner smiling like an idiot. I know I probably should not keep my hopes up since Naruto is straight like an arrow is and I am…well, straight like a circle. Just for him though, I do not know why - that is something I want to get out in the open.

Am I mixing love, friendship and gratitude? What is the difference between love and friendship in the end? One loves one's friends, when does it cross the line of not being appropriate anymore? Wanting to kiss your best male friend? Maybe. Stealing glances in the locker-room while he is in the shower? Perhaps. Why am I so fucking agitated by this? It is probably something all the guys go through in their puny lives not telling anyone about, since they are too ashamed.

Guys and I-love-yous do not usually occur in the same sentence when one is under 18 years old. It is that stupid wild and free "girls cannot pin me down" way of thinking that is actually a load of bullshit. I think this ankle-twisting situation of mine is not a trick of puberty; I really do want Naruto in all aspects. I do not even care whether I would be the bottom or the top…that does not really matter in a relationship.

I think situation offers the best solution to everything - if I want to be fucked by him then be it so and if not, I am still willing to bend. You know why? Because I am fucking in love with that guy. Really in love and not just that teenage shit that only lasts two weeks. The only time those girls and boys meet during those weeks are to say something nonsense and blush and dump the other since the other never really understood anything. "He was not what I expected" is the greatest lie of them all; one creates stupid expectations that cannot be true in any universe. When those images crumble the problems always lie in the other person - what if the problem really lay in you? Like in me for not being able to kiss him and tell him how much I wanted him to be mine.

I am drunk and I still cannot open my mouth and blurt everything out. Instead I just watch him and smile like an idiot so that he thinks I am making an ass out of him and all I fucking wanted to tell him was that he was my Rushmore. Okay, maybe I have never been to Rushmore but the movie was quite good.

What the fuck I am thinking? I should be telling him now that everything is okay and he does not have to worry. But then again, if I closed my eyes, would he think I was passing out and give me mouth-to-mouth screaming "do not die on me Sasuke!"? Probably not, but I think it is worth trying, although I am quite sleepy…I hope I can remember how his lips tasted before I doze off.


	2. Chapter 2

I came back with another one, I am sure you all are bored by now…Yet, I am trying my best to entertain you, sniff. Well, this time I wanted to explore our little Sasuke's mind - show how true emotions work, how illogical love and crush can be. Never thought of these yourself? So, on with the story then! 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Naruto x Sasuke / Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Loving your best friend secretly, drowning in despair not being able to tell him how you feel; sounds familiar? All Sasuke wanted was Naruto to see him, really see him and love him back. Why is it so hard then…why does it hurt? NaruSasu, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

Fuck, he hit me, Naruto fucking hit me. Where were the words "do not die on me!" and why is he shouting that I am bastard and should not sleep? Why the fuck cannot I sleep, I shouted back although it was kind of hard since I did not feel my tongue anymore. I was angry, I did not mean it but my mouth did not work anymore. Now I want to scream that I am sorry, please kiss my but off course he would not kiss me.

He fucking hits me again and I am sure my eyes are backwards now. Let me just sleep a little Naruto? Please? He fucking hits me again. Okay, I am awake now, you do not have to hit me and shout "Sasuke" all the time. I know my name. Fucking hell the smacking has got me feeling really sick, I think I want to vomit now. Actually I do not want to, but it is already coming up. Naruto…I try to muffle and he drags me into the toilet.

Great party I have to say, since some happy couple is making out next to us and I so want to kiss Naruto, but instead I reach for the toilet and throw up everything I have ever eaten and some more. Possibly I lost some vital organs too and I fucking cried. The whole time I was puking, I cried holding his shirt. He tied my hair with his rubber band that had been in his pocket for ages so that I would not dirty my hair. Such a wonderful guy; this is one of the reasons why I love him so much.

He shushes at me and strokes my back and I am sobbing like a sappy little school girl. My stomach fluids take another U-turn and come back with a force even the Jedis would envy. My throat hurts like hell, since my vomit has burned it all the way. I cannot even swallow my own spit, fuck…and I pray, God hope I get out of this alive…

I never learn anything from these experiences - not that I actually want to. I think that drowning my sorrows in booze eases my pain a little since I have to see Naruto with that Hinata. She is a nice girl, but the hell I do not want to see them together making out or hugging or basically anything. Yeah, I know I am jealous, but who would not be? Do you want to see your crush making out with some other person than yourself? I thought so too. Not that I can really complain since I have not told him I like him. What if I strangled Hinata? Just a little so I could see her face purple as a plum.

I am acting all child-like again, but this rips me apart - I am fucking ready to kill his girlfriend and then he would hate me for sure and probably kill too for revenge. Great, the only thing I can do is to cry here in this toilet straight from hell and hope he does not leave me. My mind repeats "stay" all over again and I grip him tighter. I do not even care that he complains I should lighten my grip, since it is starting to hurt him.

You do not even have the foggiest idea how much you hurt me you fucking bastard! I want to hit you so you would get it…no, I do not want to hit, I love you, sorry that I am even thinking something like this. Shit, I am thinking about thinking and I feel dizzy again. My insides cramp but my stomach does not have anything to offer to the king of the bathroom; the toilet seat.

I think I want to die now, kill me, I plead Naruto, who just looks at me in amazement. Kill you, you fucking moron?! You fucking dumbass, why did you drink so much again?! He shouts at me and I start to cry again, do not yell at me, I sniff and sob. Sorry, he says but I know he is still pissed. I ruined his party.

He helps me to stand and basically drags me from the toilet. My legs have given upon me and I am like goo, icky and sticky with my own vomit and eyes red from crying. He did it again, did he not, I hear someone saying and Naruto just grunts back. You should just leave him Naruto, he is a drag, they say and I feel so stupid and ashamed. I am sorry, I blurt to him quietly but he does not say anything to me. I disappointed him. Again.

I think I probably drive him home, he says to the others yet his voice does not even give a hint that he really cares. I feel utterly defeated; I should probably curl up in a ball somewhere and die. He helps me to his car and warns me not to puke on his leather interior. Yeah, sure, anything you want…like there is anything to vomit anymore. I simply just nod.

He helps me to the passenger seat and walks to his door. Casually he slides inside his car and I wish he would just as casually slide inside me. I better not start this kind of line of thinking now…he would surely notice if I had a massive boner and there is just the two of us so it would be like a shot through my head with a mystical machine gun that just happened to lie on the backseat of his wannabe-Cadillac.

I am a total idiot; the one I love is next to me and I have never felt such a great distance between us before. I lay my head against the cool window and watch the scenery through it. It makes me sick to see my own reflection from the window and I press my head down closing my eyes. Warm. Cosy. Do not fucking sleep, Naruto shouts and I flinch. We are too early at my house; I wish the trip would have taken an eternity. How I hoped we would have driven into a wormhole and all the time around us would have stopped, then…then I would have kissed him and the kiss would have lasted centuries, no, millennia or at least ten of those.

He pulls in at the side of the road next to my house and I open the door with shaky hands. Sasuke, he says and I turn to him. His blue eyes seem so sad that the guilty in me stabs my liver a few times, which is already too many. Goodnight, he says and plants a kiss on my forehead. I look at him confused in a happy way but he probably does not see it. The "why" is lingering in the air but I do not ask it, maybe I do not want to hear the explanation.

A kiss from a rose on a grave, the end of all ends - I do not want to hear it. So I get out of the car and watch him leave; the last things I see are the backlights of his car. I want to run after him, but my legs do not even move - I am such a loser. I drag myself inside and I immediately fall on to the bed. The heck with the shower, I just want to sleep…I take the rubber band from my hair and look at it. Tears gather to the corners of my eyes and I grab it tight and press the band against my chest. A slight curve of smile forms on to my lips and I fall asleep thinking about Naruto. Love me tomorrow, will you?


	3. Chapter 3

I came back with another one, I am sure you all are bored by now…Yet, I am trying my best to entertain you, sniff. Well, this time I wanted to explore our little Sasuke's mind - show how true emotions work, how illogical love and crush can be. Never thought of these yourself? So, on with the story then! 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Naruto x Sasuke / Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Loving your best friend secretly, drowning in despair not being able to tell him how you feel; sounds familiar? All Sasuke wanted was Naruto to see him, really see him and love him back. Why is it so hard then…why does it hurt? NaruSasu, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

The next morning I got the most massive after-match with devil itself and my head throbbed like John Holmes' shaft inside some random chick. Fuck, that guy really got AIDS from sex with another guy…well, I am a virgin so no worries. At this rate, I will be one for a long long time…what is the point of mere sex? Somehow I find it very empty; should there not be feelings involved? Fuck, I sound like a romantic fool…yet, I would not do it unless I love the other person. That is why I am in this situation now…an unrequited love for too many years.

Yesterday got me really thinking, maybe I should give up? The false hope can warm just as long you keep it satisfied with little things you probably imagined from the beginning. Hmm, detachment would be the only solution, but it sounds so horrible. Can one kill love with willpower only? I doubt it highly. If he is nice to me, I cannot let go…I have to make him hate me even more than he already does.

I could use Hinata…no, that would not be fair to her although I hate her. No, I do not hate her God damn! I should hurt Naruto directly; give him something back from this pain I have suffered. I do not want to hurt him, but I have to…I want him to spit on me, kick me and then break me and I am finally free. Maybe I am a masochist but only that way I can find love that accepts me as I am. Imperfect, tainted and stupid.

Where did I put my cigarettes? I think I need a smoke. The hell will I go to school. I get a text message from Naruto saying that he has a get-together at his house tonight and I am invited only if I do not puke. Haha and I promise to come. I am so fucking weak. His house looks kind of creepy at night, but the familiar noise fills the air so I decide to go instead of leave, which was something I was going to do two seconds ago.

Look at the drunken prince, the guys laugh and I immediately regret for coming. I think I will go and inhale some cancer, I say and wander to the front porch. I am the only one there and I hear the laughter that takes place inside but I do not really care, wankers. Not so long after, someone opens the door and walks behind me. Then that someone sits next to me and grins, you came, he says. Yeah, did you not ask me, Naruto, I say back at him. Yeah, he replies and smiles that heart-melting smile which makes butterflies eat my insides since they are too horny.

After that we keep silent and I inhale the smoke until I ask whether I can touch his hair. He looks at me in amazement and I keep thinking "diamonds, diamonds". Sure, he says silently and I brush his hair with my hand. It feels so soft, like vanilla ice cream. I curl his hair around my fingers until I remove my hand. Can I see your hand, he then asks. I do not say anything, I just show it to him. He takes my left hand with his edgy fingers and strokes and explores it. You have got nice hands, you are left-handed, right? I have never noticed it before, he says and looks kind of serious.

Now or never says my brain and I stub out the cigarette and take his face in-between my palms and I press my lips on his. Holy shit, it feels like fucking electricity coursing through my body, bending it into other unknown shapes. He is confused but lets me invade his silky mouth. I lick his bottom lip and the corners of his mouth and then dive back into that hot cavern of deity. Then he detaches us, running out of oxygen.

He looks at me kind of puzzled and raises his finger to his lips. I blew it, I certainly did. He does not say anything, just stands up and goes inside. I stay on the porch happy and sad over the fact that I got my first kiss from him, but in the end there was just me. I did not force him, but then again surprising someone like that is almost the same thing.

After awhile I decided to go back inside to party with the others. So we drank all the booze, but I did not hang out with Naruto after that incident. It was about three o'clock in the morning when I noticed that almost everyone was asleep or puking. This time I did not go over board but hell, my vision was still all blurry.

It seems that Naruto is the only one awake but he is quite drunk too. I walk up to him my legs all mushy and try to apologize, but he just tells me to shut the fuck up. Then he pulls me by the collar and crashes our lips together, holy shit. I am totally surprised but too drunk and intoxicated to be ethical here. We stumble and fall on to the floor near the corner of the room, but we do not detach our lips.

His lips are like fire, burning my mouth, burning all the evidence of me. With shaky and inexperienced hands we start to rummage each other pants, fingers entwined, and kisses so sloppy that my whole face is wet. Fuck, not here, he says and takes me by the hand. His shirt is wrinkled and zipper open showing off his silky boxers and I so fucking want to devour him. We stumble our way to his room and I accidentally kick a boy, who sleeps on the ground. Naruto giggles and shushes at me.

He leads me to upstairs into his room and when I push the door shut, I am all over him again. I suck his swan-like neck hard leaving big hickeys all over. Fuck that hurts, he mumbles into the kisses. We climb on his bed breathing raggedly and I keep fighting his pants until I gain my victory and throw them off. They hit against the cupboard with a loud "thump". Fuck, my phone was in the left pocket, he murmurs, but I just kiss him fervently.

With shaky hands, he removes my pants and then attacks my shirt. I rip his shirt off and he moans loudly, fuck, you make me cum, if you keep doing that, I say hoarsely to him. Shit, this is what I have wanted, waited, but I am not quite sure whether Naruto is really sincere. I do not think I care anymore. I practically sit on his lap and we kiss our lips almost bleeding. We are both newbies at this, but I decide to take the lead. I raise my body and say to him that I want to sit on him.

His eyes widen with lust and he spreads his legs so that I am able to climb fully on his lap. Naruto is so fucking hard already, but I still stroke him roughly yet gently. His whole body shakes with anticipation and suddenly he sticks two of his fingers inside me. Holy shit, my back aches as his fingers roam around in my arse. I cannot help but to move against his fingers, fuck myself against him.

He removes his fingers and licks them looking fucking sexy. I lift my body and settle myself over his crotch. With the help of both of our hands, I lower my body and suck him in. Should we like use a condom, he huffs. I have no diseases, you? I ask. Nah, he says and pulls me down. Fuck, you are rough, I mumble, since it hurts and it is hard to get him inside me. You are fucking tight, he huffs back at me.

I push myself forcefully against him and he lets out a massive groan. Sasuke, you are so warm, I want you, he says reeking of alcohol. Good thing I am drunk too since it eases the pain and I start to move, up and down. He grabs my buttocks and squeezes them tightly together creating more friction between us. He pushes himself inside me as I push against him; the feeling is amazing.

His hand wanders on to my rigid member and he starts to jerk me off. More, I grunt and we fuck so hard that the whole bed squeaks under us. The sheets are wet from our sweat and we are sticky yet we are in a trance, pounding the mattress and ourselves into oblivion. Shit, oi shit Naruto, I cannot hold it in, shit…I scream and climax on his chest and neck. My muscles twitch and he groans loudly. Fuck, Sasuke, can I come in, he shushes while trying to breathe.

I smile hazily and squeeze my inner muscles to that he explodes inside me. His eyes roll back and he presses his head against my shoulder. His member spurts out hot liquid which travels inside me, warming me up and changing me. Damn, Sasuke, he huffs and sucks my shoulder. I shiver under his touch and intense gaze. Want to sleep here, he asks hazily sleep lurking behind the corner. Yeah, sure, I answer and we cuddle against each other. Two guys fucking cuddling, but I would not change that in a million years.

Next morning is not that sweet but that is not our fault. Kiba just had to rush into the room. Holy shit, Naruto and Sasuke, shit, fuck, he shouts and runs downstairs. We both have a massive headache, fuckin'hell. I look at Naruto who is just barely awake, hey, I say to him and he smiles…well, until he realizes everything and bolts up really fast. I am doomed. Fuck, was Kiba here? He asks mildly panicking. Yeah…I answer knowing what is to come. I think we have to get dressed, he mumbles and I just nod. I can probably say goodbye to this all…

After dressing we head downstairs where everyone looks at us. Kiba grins and laughs that Naruto and Sasuke fucked last night. Some watch us warily and the others laugh or just smile wickedly. I stand behind Naruto and I stroke his back lightly and sadly. So what, do not dating couples do that sort of thing? He asks grinningly and turns around. He smiles at me and presses his lips against mine.

The others get shocked but I am in heaven. I slide my tongue inside his mouth and the kissing turns into a make-out session. I know your secret; I tell you mine…I have never dated anyone and you are in most aspects my first, he whispers to me and my jaw drops a little until I give him my devilish smile. So, if you were killing me Naruto, I will be killing you from now on…Sasuke, I need oxygen, he huffs. Yeah, right…let us go back to your room, I say and others just mumble "ew". My turn to kill you with my love; my turn to tease you, dear.


End file.
